Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Audition season: The season that keeps on taking

It's that sacred time of year once more. The season where singers from all over the country flock to New York. The season where they spend what little money they have in hopes that they can make more money. The season of cold and flu. The season of sleeping on couches. The season of awkward meetings with that one singer you flirted with while drunk last year. It is audition season.

Having been through quite a few of these seasons, I feel it my duty to pass down some of my wisdom to the rest of the auditioning world. Bits of advice, observations, and useful (or useless) info that will help you survive the NOLA experience.  

1. Remember, no one wants to be there. No one. Not the singers, not the pianists, not the agents, not the companies, not the guy who rents the rooms. Ok, that's not fair. Everyone wants to be there in theory but after weeks of schlepping through tourists, sweating, sitting, absorbing strangers energy, and 5,000 versions of Ach ich fuhl's, everyone is ready to spend three glorious, pants less days binge watching Netflix, preferably from the inside of a cheesecake. But it is a necessary evil and an important part of how the business works. It's a tradition, one we all take part of, and we can't change it no matter how much we bitch about it- much like Columbus Day or your drunk uncle's retirement party.

"THANKS OBAMA!!"

2. NOLA (and all audition places) are Satan's domain on earth. While some are better than others, (Opera America's new place is amazing!) audition venues are where happiness goes to die. They are cramped, smell, manage to be hot, cold, humid, and dry at the same time, and have horrible acoustics. Some of those rooms are like singing into an upholstered mouth. These are just facts and we all just need to accept it and move on. Myself included. I know it's hard but we can do it. One more thing before I move on #IHATENOLA. Ok, I feel a little bit better.  Basta cosi.

                       
                               "The world is indeed full of peril and in it there are many dark places"

3. Dress appropriately for an audition. Ladies- if I'm worried your nipple might pop out or that if you bend over I might see your spanx clad cash and prizes then you probably need to rethink your audition dress choice. Guys- if your jacket looks like you stole it from Liberace's closet, you might want to tone it down. I'm not a snob. Pretty much the opposite actually but look like the professionals you are. No one wants you to look like a banker (please God no) but this ain't prom and it ain't a frat costume party. As a very wise man and mentor once said "Don't let the dress sing before you do" You are applying for a job!! Look like it.

"I'm sorry we can't hear you over your cape"

3. Wear deodorant. Please. Pretty please. People sweat. It's just the way it is but that doesn't mean you need to smell like two homeless guys swinging diapers full of rotten eggs fighting over an old order of Indian food.  Be courteous.  Don't smell.  We all have to breathe the same air.  And on that point...

4.  Don't poop in NOLA.  Just don't.  Plan your day accordingly.  There is a Starbucks around the corner.  There is a Subway down the street.  Plenty of places to let the kids go swimming.  Just don't do it at NOLA.


5. Do have confidence but don't think your audition is more important than anyone else's.  We are all there for the same reason.  To hopefully get work.  We all want to do well.  We all want to be at our best so don't act (or say) how your audition is soooooooo important.  It's really not.

6.  Don't bring so much sh*t to your audition.  There's not that much space.  Do you really need a giant purse, carry on bag, and a suitcase?  If you just came from the train station/airport, I understand.  But if you're bringing that stuff for any other reason, don't.  It takes up too much space in an already small area. You know that guy who brings his bicycle on the A train at 59th street at 5 p.m.? Don't be that guy.

7. Don't be late.  This should really be Number 1 if we're going by level of importance. Just don't.  Ever.  It screws up everyone's day.

"10 minutes late?....that's a paddlin'"

8. Don't get there too early.  You will regret it.  But see #7.

9. No one in that small little hallway cares what's on your resume.  You can use this handy tool when trying to decide whether or not talking about your resume is a good idea. Ask yourself "Should I pull my penis out right now?" "Do you think that girl would like to talk about my penis?" "My penis is pretty impressive...maybe I should talk a little bit loudly just about where it's been this year?" Now replace "penis" with "resume". The answers to the questions are the same

9a.  Don't name drop either.  ie- Don't talk about all the penises you know.

10. Do be respectful of the other singers.  We all have our own "pregame rituals."  We all have things we need to do to get us in the right mind set.  Be respectful of other's space, and let them do what they have to do to get through the audition.  Even if they are your BFF in the whole entire world, let them have their space if they need it.  They will thank you for it later.  Unless they tap dance or goat scream to get ready. You can totally point at that person. That being said...

11. Don't sing in the hallways.  It's just rude and kind of annoying.  I know it sucks huge giant donkey balls that there is no warm up space provided for us, but sadly, that's just the way it is.  We all have to suffer.  I am as guilty as anyone when it comes to this offense.  I believe a quick check in with the voce before you step in the door is ok but singing through your aria, even at a whisper, is really annoying.

12. Know what is appropriate to talk about with your fellow singers.  Things like "How have you been?" or "What's new?" or "Where are you living?" or "Where are we drinking after this?" are fine and excellent questions to ask.  Things like "Where are you working?" or "How did you get your agent?" or "Do you think they'll want to hear my german aria?" or "Do you think I'm a heldentenor?" are not appropriate.  They suck.

13.  Don't cough.  You will freak everyone the f**k out.  Coughing in NOLA is like yelling fire in a crowded theater.  If you do have to cough, make sure you cover your damn mouth!  That's just basic common courtesy.

"And YOU get Ebola! AND YOU get Ebola!!!"

14.  Do be supportive of your colleagues but don't listen at the door to other people's auditions.  That just reeks of sadness.  And it will mess with your brain. A wise person once said "Your succeess has nothing to do with someone else's failure". The opposite of that is true as well.  Be yourself.  Do your thing.

15.  Don't crash auditions.  I know it seems like a good idea.  A good way for a company that didn't grant you an audition to hear how wonderful you are.  But don't.  It screws everyone else up.  They have a schedule that they try to keep and if you crash it throws the schedule off.  Then things run behind, accompanists have to leave, people get mad at you, and children find out Santa isn't real.  Don't ruin Christmas for kids!

"He told me the Easter bunny isn't real either!! IN GERMAN!!!"

16.  Just do your thing.  Know why you are there.  Know what you need to do in order to do your best. Respect everyone else. Get in, do you, get out, and go on with your day. And get some ice cream. You deserve ice cream now, dammit!  Mmmmmmm, ice cream...



Tuesday, October 28, 2014

A Bountiful Bunch of New Bari-Chunks

We've been a little lax in our duties of adding singers to our Bari-Chunks Nation. Our bad, that's our fault.  We've been busy making music videos and having a campaign with Barihunks (#BariChunks014). So let's get back to what it is we do here, promoting good singing regardless of sex, looks, political affiliation. Let's do this.


I should have done this one (along with a few others who I promise I will get to) a long time ago.  One of the first true supporters of Bari-Chunks, Danielle Pastin is a soprano without compare. She is renowned for her portrayals of such heroines such as Mimi, Violetta, and Nedda, and despite what people say about her, she's a one of a kind jewel.  Always up for a bourbon, a FaceTime chat, or an inappropriate game of Cards Against Humanity, Danielle is always up for a good time.  All that plus her unselfish willingness to join in the idiotic games we play here at Bari-Chunks, makes her a no brainer for the BC Nation, and we truly apologize for the delay.  Also, if Chopped has an opera episode, I nominate Danielle.




Bass Nathan Stark's delightfully wicked sense of humor and unabashed love for Taco Bell make him an obvious choice for the BC Nation.  Oh, that and he sounds like a god. Like if a god was having a good vocal day. His voice is rich and powerful from top to bottom.  If you have the chance to see him do anything, whether it be Sparafucile, Mustifa, or Leporello, run, don't walk to see him.  


Mezzo Cindy Sadler's deep, rich, melodious tones have been heard in a bevy of roles, from Baba, to Prince Orlovsky and back again.  Her delightful personality, superb sense of humor, and deep devotion to the education of young singers through her master classes, seminars, (http://www.thebusinessofsinging.com/index.html), or her fantastic blog (http://www.mezzowithcharacter.com/) make her an easy addition to the BC Nation.  


Corey McKern, baritone, is as good as a guy as you can find, and despite his wife's wishes, is being added to our fantastic little band of singers.  Known for his portrayals of such opera greats as Figaro, Silvio, Sharpless, and Hamlet, along with his good natured humor and southern charm easily make him one of the good guys.  And ask about his life motto, WWFSD?  Wise man, that Corey.  


Already mentioned in this blog for her fantabulous YouTube Channel, Exit Stage Left, Tammy is also one hell of a singer. Performing such power house roles such as Aida (this season at the Met), Norma, and Amelia, she is a force to be reckoned with on the stage.  Oh, and she's one of the coolest people you will ever meet.  Welcome to BC, Tammy :)

Andrew Stenson

I hate doing this.  It goes against everything I feel is natural.  On the one hand, tenor Andrew Stenson is a ridiculously talented singer and performer on his way to the very top of our business.  On the other hand, like everyone else, I hate him.  I mean, look at him!!  Ok seriously, Stenson is amazingly talented, and he is a good guy.  Funny as hell, great cook, fun drinking buddy, and good friend.  He's BC all the way.  



There you go.  More Bari-Chunks goodness.  





Wednesday, October 8, 2014

MUSIC VIDEO!!!!


Well, we must be really bored, because we made a music video.  Thanks to all the Bari-Chunks Nation that joined in the craziness.  So, without further ado, I give you "All About that Bass."  Remember Nation, "every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top."

All About that Bass

Monday, September 15, 2014

We Just Keep Chunkin Along

And a good morrow to the Bari-Chunks Nation! Today we have threesome of new members of the Bari-Chunks Nations.  Full of beefy tones and hearty laughs.  Enjoy

Andrew Wilkowske


Baritone Andrew Wilkowske has been lauded for his "charming, energetic, and pleasant tone," and his "rich tenor" (yes, he's a baritone, and yes this goes to prove my long standing mistrust of critics).  Despite the critics obvious gaff, Andy is the real deal.  He has the uncanny abiility to bring any character to life.  Whether it be Figaro and Taddeo or Noah (Grapes of Wrath) and Ponchel (Silent Night), Wilkowske brings a light to the character that shines through.  You can't help but watch his every movement.  He draws you in, and won't let you go.  Kind of like a kidnapper.  

Seen here is his early failed porn career

Besides his badassness on stage, his off stage persona is what makes Andy great.  Whether he's letting you try one of his home brewed beers, playing with his 2 kids, or creating a rock recital entitled "Guns N Rosenkavalier"- the melding of art song and rock songs. Mash-ups and songs include Brahms, Bruce Springsteen, Guns N’ Roses, Strauss and Van Halen.  "Guns N’ Rosenkavalier will confound your expectations and celebrate the universal in music. A great song is a great song, no matter the genre!"  Sounds like a winner to me.  


Footnote- Andrew Wilkowske is the only man I've ever kissed on stage.



Many of you might have seen Tenor Chad Shelton's calendar shoot for Bari-Chunks.  If not, here's a quick peek-

Shelton has a piercing tenor sound, and not in that "loud obnoxious way", in the "you will never have to tell the orchestra to play softer" way.  He's been praised for his "vocal acuity" and "rich, ringing tenor."  Shelton has mastered roles such as Pinkerton, Don Jose, and Alfredo.  He is now using his booming voice to reach into the Wagner repertoire with roles such as Froh (Das Rheingold) and Georg (Flying Dutchman).  

Get that high note

On top of being good and loud on stage, he is a man's man.  If it's time to watch a football game, or you need some wings, or someone to shoot 18 holes with, or if you just need some one to have a beer (or several, or too many, or HOLY CRAP HOW DID I GET STUCK IN THIS TWISTY SLIDE AND WHERE IS THAT CHEESY BREAD I WAS EATING) with, Chad Shelton is your man.  Never a dull moment with this guy.  NEVER.  There was this one time, before a show... Well, you get the idea.



Bass Kevin Burdette might be the craziest man I've ever seen on stage and I mean that in the best possible way.  His comedy is brilliant.  If you clicked on his name above and visited his website, you might have seen that he has easter eggs on his page (easter eggs as in hidden treasures).  Apparently, there are 70 throughout the page.  I just wasted 15 minutes looking for some of them.  His comedic performances have been compared to Jim Carrey, Groucho Marx, and Jerry Lewis.  And those guys couldn't sing the way Kevin can.  His commanding and versatile bass voice allows to him to sing a gambit of roles.  From Osmin and Leporello, to Mustafa and Bartolo, to Bottom and Mr Scattergood.


Kevin's golden comic personality onstage is only surpassed by his comic and caring personality offstage.  Fellow colleagues can attest to the kind of man Kevin is.  As a young pup straight out of grad school, I had the chance to work with Kevin.  I learned much from my time with him, and only most of it was comedy.  The first time I introduced him to my girl friend at the time, he threw a grape in her cleavage before even saying hello.  THAT'S comedy...  Also, follow Kevin on Twitter @Burdettekevin.  You won't regret it.

Kevin as Bottom and some other dude as Quince






Friday, August 22, 2014

Dating a Hunk, or Dating a Chunk

Recently, an article entitled "How to Date an Opera Singer" has been making the rounds on the interwebs.  You might have missed it due to the enormous amount of ALS #IceBucketChallenges, but it was a good quick read.  This got me and some of my friends thinking about the different types of opera singers and what it is like to date them.  And if there is two types of opera singers we know know best, it is Barihunks, and Bari-Chunks.

There are many differences between the Bari-Chunks Nation and the Barihunk World.  This is painfully obvious to anyone with eyes...or ears...or mouths filled with kale instead of cake balls.  But what's it like to date one?  What makes Barihunks tick, and what makes Bari-Chunks tock. Jessica Rosen, thedeparted, and Etta van Bourbon sat down and composed this comparison.  Now granted, this is only based on our experiences and wild accusations, but we feel this is something everyone will benefit from reading.





1. Barihunk: If you've fallen head over heels for a Barihunk, you've fallen for a leading man, or someone hoping to be a leading man.  This is important to know.  Because with a leading man, IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM.  Remember that.

Bari-Chunk: If you've fallen for a Bari-Chunk, you've fallen for a secondary man.  It's rarely about him, unless it's his Birthday.

2. Barihunk: If he has a show that day (or within the next calendar month), do what ever he needs you to do.  This includes sex, food, water, sleep, etc.  "I have a performance tonight that could make my career!"

Bari-Chunk: If he has a show that day, you might want to remind him.  There are many more important things in the world than a show.  "I have a show tonight?  Better put on pants."


3. Barihunk: Always carry hair products for him.  A bad hair day for him could cost him 10's of fans.

Bari-Chunks: Always carry bacon.

4. Barihunk: Flirting with other people is part of the job.  As a handsome leading man, he HAS to flirt with girls, boys, dogs, cats, Grandma, those baristas, that squirrel over there, etc.  His flirting could lead to a gig, or free hair care.  And it makes him feel good about his image.  This is one of those things you are just going to have to deal with.  (See #1)

Totally asking for it.

Bari-Chunk: You might have to get used to the fact that he talks dirty to pizza. There was also that one incident of croissant fondling...


so warm....


5. Barihunk: Sex is important to him, and he needs it.  Especially before gigs.  It might seem demanding, but he knows what he needs to have a good show.

Bari-Chunk: Sex is awesome.  We will do anything for you if you let us have it. Seriously. Anything.

6. Barihunk: After a show, you must be prepared to stroke the ego.  Tell him how good he looked on stage and how wonderful he sounded.  Also, be patient as he talks to donors, patrons, and fans.  It's best just to stay out of his way during this.

Bari-Chunk: Be prepared to tell him where the nearest open bar is.  It's way past beer:30.


7. Barihunk: If you get sick, please understand that he can't get what you've got.  He might stay in a hotel for awhile, but it's nothing personal.

Bari-Chunk: "I know you're sick, but can we still make out?"

8. Barihunk- Respect his gym time.  This is important.  His chiseled physique is one of his greatest weapons in the operatic world.
And what if this is the day he gets that coveted Bowflex endorsement?!

Bari-Chunk: Respect his video game time.  This is important.  His 14-0 season on Madden '14 is one of his greatest bragging rights.

9. Barihunk: Understand that while rehearsing and performing a show, he might seem distant.  He might seem to spend more time with his other leading colleagues than you.  It's ok.  This is still part of the job.

Bari-Chunk: Understand that he might lose some money in the backstage poker games.  He is sorry about that.
Not my whole "La cena e pronta" fee again!

10. Barihunk: Be willing to listen to him explain who the greatest Baritone of the 1980's was.

Bari-Chunk:  Be willing to listen to him explain who would win in a fight between Batman and Ironman.  (It would totally be Batman)



So, there you go.  We hope this helps all of you in the operatic dating pool.  There might be many differences between the Barihunk World and the Bari-Chunk Nation, but what is more impressive is what unites us - our love for the art form that is opera.  And pizza.  Everybody loves pizza.

Post Script-
Please remember that this is a satirical blog.  We're just having a little fun.  I feel I need to reiterate
this fact because most of the Barihunk world is a lot stronger than me, and could kick my ass.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

ALS #IceBucketChallenge

Hello Bari-Chunks Nation!  Thought I'd take a bit of a break from the opera world and talk about something serious for a couple of seconds - people dumping ice over their heads.  It's a serious problem in America.  Hundreds, if not thousands, are dumping ice cold water over there head while being recorded.  It has gotten out of control...

But seriously, this challenge is a good thing.  The purpose of the #IceBucketChallenge is to raise awareness and funds for a worthy cause, ALS.  Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, also known as Lou Gehrig's disease, is very serious and fatal disease that affects 30,000 Americans.  It is a motor neuron disease that causes nerve cells to break down and die. There is no treatment or cure, and victims of the disease slowly lose control of their body.  It is not a fun disease.  My grandfather, Kenneth Albertson, passed away from ALS in 1985.  I remember as a young child, watching him slowly lose his ability to speak, walk, swallow food, etc.  It was not pretty.


Not enough is known about ALS.  The #IceBucketChallenge is helping to raise awareness about a disease that FAR too little is known about.  Many theories have surrounded about how the #IceBucketChallenge came to be, and why people are doing it, and whether you have to donate if you do the #IceBucketChallenge, etc etc etc.  But does any of that really matter?  A disease that gets little attention is becoming part of the national vocabulary.  People are now aware of this disease's name, if nothing else, and that's a huge step.  Plus, donations for the ALS Association are up $3 million dollars from the same point last year!  That's great!  Money=research=progress.  And for anyone who has seen this disease up close, any step is a good step.

People have also wondered why the #IceBucketChallenge is even relevant.  Well, ice therapy is a valid and helpful therapy for ALS patients.  You can store that info away for Jeopardy one day :)

Below are some of my friends and my #IceBucketChallenge's.  Being performers, some of these are pretty damn funny and feature members of the Bari-Chunk Nation.  I hope you enjoy, and maybe consider starting your your own #IceBucketChallenge or donating yourself.  It is a good cause.  
video
Kyle Albertson

video
Danielle Pastin

video
Corey Bix

video
Alissa Anderson

video
David Portillo

video
Sarah Beckham-Turner

video
Susanna Phillips

video
Will Ferguson


Thursday, August 7, 2014

New Merchandise!

T-Shirts for ALL voice types now available at;


Sopranos

Mezzos

Tenors

Also, feel free to design your own.  I know these are a bit expensive, but I don't set the prices.  If I did, they all be $4.

Join the Bari-Chunks Nation.  Or not, up to you.

Monday, August 4, 2014

Information is probably important #BoycottParterreBox

So a few days ago, I put up a quick post about my plan to boycott Parterre Box.  I didn't really say much more than that, because, well, I was busy.  But now I've got a few moments, and would love to give you a few of the reasons why.

On July 30th, Baritone Michael Mayes posted an article from Huffington Post on Facebook written by a Met chorister.  The title of said article was "I have not had a Christmas with my family for 15 years." 

La Cieca (I'll call him that because I guess anonymity is a thing to be respected for bloggers) was the first to comment "Your buddy (name omitted) colleague really should have taken moment to glance at the Met's calendar before he accepted a job there."  Ouch, that seemed unnecessarily harsh. Besides being outright negative to begin with, that statement completely ignores the fact that the author obviously knew what the Met's schedule was like before he signed his contract.  He was just making a point to show the amount of time he worked, and on holidays to boot.

Mr Mayes explained the Christmas quote (much better than I did) and La Cieca commented "ER doctors make $200K a year."  Um, ok.  I state random facts too. "A horses penis, when erect, grows 3 to 4 times the size from when it is limp, proving that horses are growers, not showers." Unlike La Cieca's random fact, mine is true.  ER doctors in NYC average $300K a year.  And that doesn't include benefits, or overtime pay for working on holidays etc.  I'll assume LC (tired of typing La Cieca so damn much) was referring to Peter Gelb's claim that Met choristers make $200K a year.  That too, is incorrect.  I know this because 1- I read more than just Mr Gelb's press releases, and 2- I ASKED AN ACTUAL CHORISTER. More than one, in fact. Even with benefits included, the sum doesn't equal $200K a year.

The conversation continued, with other posters jumping in, mainly supporting Mr Mayes's post.  The main argument seemed to be LC saying Met choristers were overpaid, and needed to suck it up and quit their bitching.  Ok, he/she is entitled to their opinion.  I will say this though, your opinion is highly uniformed.  You should take a second out of your obviously busy schedule to read some other articles on the Met labor situation besides the ones Gelb sends to you to back.  Just a thought.

The conversation did veer off topic a bit, and LC seemed to take the stance that singing opera was something everyone could do. "Right: Singing is a magic art given to a very few; the rest of the world is Muggles."  Uh, not really a magical power, but it is a specific set of talents and skills that not everyone posesses.  Just like being a doctor, or a lawyer, or a teacher, or a janitor.  Not everyone has the skills or talent to be anything they want.  Singers were born with, and have worked very hard and long, to cultivate those talents.  That's how they got to be where they are.  If everyone could do anything they wanted, I would be a professional Lottery winner.  This opera thing is hard!
Harry Potter: Wizard, counter tenor

LC later in the conversation said "pointless to argue with singers."  Why, because you don't like losing arguments?  For someone who runs a blog about opera and singers, your lack of respect for singers seems unusual to say the least.

Back on the topic of the Met's labor negotiations, LC said "You're right: the Met should pay the chorus a million dollars a year and pick them all up in limousines to take them to work. Cancel all the new productions and for that matter don't stage any of the operas: just line the chorus up and let them make those sweet, sweet noises God put in their throats. And after the performance from the chorus dressing room the very first thing you will hear is, 'Uh, I asked for a PLATINUM toilet seat, not gold!'"  Are there such a thing as gold and platinum toilet seats?  I want one!  I'm sure LC was being facetious, but thats not even close to what the choristers are looking for.  They are looking for pay equal to the work they do.  And they are looking for honesty and accountability from the management of the Met.

Once again the conversation went off topic, and LC began making his point that "artist doesn't just mean singers."  His belief is that audience members are artists too, saying "the audience works almost as hard as the people on stage -- harder sometimes I think."  Wow.  LC must have never been on stage before in his life.  That shit is hard!  I know sitting in the audience is hard too, those chairs are so uncomfortable!  And listening?!  Don't even get me started.  Takes a true artist to use one of his 5 senses...

Other great quotes form this epic Facebook conversation include "I feel like I'm punching fog" in reference to having this conversation he/she instigated, and "Nobody is arguing that the chorus should be thrown out in the street or that their children should have their penicillin taken away."  In reference to this last quote, actually, Gelb is arguing that.  From Alan Gordon's Facebook page;  "During AGMA negotiations yesterday with the Met, we reminded Peter Gelb that there were several single mothers in the chorus who had severely disabled children needing constant medical care and other choristers who had children needing special medications, all of whom would be endangered if their health insurance was cut off when he locks out the performers, and we proposed that even if he fulfills his lockout threat on 8/1 he should keep health insurance in effect until an eventually negotiated deal, so as not to intentionally and unnecessarily hurt his own people.  Gelb's response was that he had to cut off their health insurance to give him 'leverage' in the negotiations."  Ouch...

The conversation ran to a close as Mr Mayes grew annoyed with the pointlessness of the conversations, and told LC to bugger off.  LC ended his contributions to the thread by saying, "okay, you asked for it."  Mr Mayes asked him if that was a threat, LC never responded.

This kind of negative, ill informed crap is just too much for me.  That's why I'm boycotting Parterre Box.  To be completely honest, I never really read it before.  Just too negative.  This business is hard enough without people sitting on the sidelines throwing feces.  So, I'm boycotting, and I hope you do too.

Oh, and then there is this- after posting on this blog a few days ago that I was boycotting, I received this comment.


Wow.  Threats?  Really?  That is one loyal following LC has there.  I have a quick response to this "anonymous" poster.  Fuck you.  Don't threaten me.  If this is how you spend your time, threatening people who write satirical blogs with a limited following, I suggest you find yourself a better hobby.  Maybe dressing up cats, or just masturbating to old opera recordings. Maybe finding someone willing to hug you. Something.  In the mean time, kiss our Bari-Chunk ass.



#BoycottParterreBox

Friday, August 1, 2014

Boycott

After reading an extremely lengthy thread on Facebook about how spoiled the Met choristers are, I have decided to take a stand on this whole issue. My position is this- Boycott Parterre Box. That's right. You heard me. Boycott parterre.com. It's owner stated that the choristers wages are too high, and all they want is platinum covered toilet seats, so I think his viewership is too high, and someone needs to crap on him, and Bari-Chunks is full of crap. So I'm starting the hashtag #BoycottParterreBox. Join the revolution. Blogs are dumb anyway.

Post script-
Any blog that calls Bari-Chunk David Portillo 'the poor man's Stephen Costello' is clearly out of touch...


Thursday, July 31, 2014

Interviews, information, and insanity

Well hello there, Bari-Chunk nation.  How are you today?  That's good to hear.

I wanted to point your attention to a friend of mine's YouTube Channel.  The friend- badass, baller soprano Tamara Wilson.



The YouTube Channel- Exit Stage Left.  Filled with useful information about the biz, hilarious insights, and fantastic interviews (including Bari-Chunk Jamie Barton), this Channel has it all.  I highly recommend you spend some time watching, learning, and laughing.

 Exit Stage Left


I became inspired with Ms Wilson's interviews, and decided to give it a shot myself.  Below is my interview with Bari-Chunk, Wayne Tigges.  Don't think I quite got the hang of interviewing yet...


Monday, July 28, 2014

Our Roots are fading. Better get back to them

Where're the Real Men?  Looking over the past few months of Bari-Chunks posts, that's the question I find myself asking.  It seems like we have been neglecting our roots.  Best tend to them.  So without further ado, more low voices for the Bari-Chunk Nation.


First up- David Adam Moore

Well, hello handsome

David Adam Moore, baritone, and poster boy for the Barihunk world (the top search on Barihunk this past month was "David Adam Moore shirtless") has been praised for his "virile command" and "big, handsome voice," David is known for his portrayals of roles such as Mercutio in Romeo et Juliette, Zurga in Pearl Fishers, Silvio in Pagliacci, and a slew of modern opera roles.  This past summer he debuted the role of Joseph DeRocher in Dead Man Walking at Des Moines Metro Opera.  David's portrayal was intellectual, passionate, and just plain badass.  That earns him the Bari-Chunk title.  That, and his devotion to L. Caprice and personal sponsorship of Depends Undergarments.  

Dead "Sexy" Man Walking

Mab

Next up- Jason Howard
I don't always sing opera, but when I do it looks this good

International Baritone Jason Howard is known for his powerhouse portrayals of roles such as Wotan, Jochanaan, Rigoletto, Macbeth, Tonio, Emile de Beque, Scarpia...shit, the guy has done everything.  And done it really well.  Called by reviewers, "the Wotan of our age," and "having a substantial range of vocal color," Jason has set his mark upon the opera world, and in a badass way. 

Wo-fuckin-tan

I was not aware of Mr Howard's badassery until a friend was turned on to him. I had the pleasure of sharing a beer with him, and his amazing personality surpasses his fantastic baritone.  Barely.  That makes him an easy addition to the Bari-Chunks Nation.


video

Lil Wotan

Post Script-
In our continuing endeavor to promote good young singers (ok, its only the second time, but I hope to make it a thing) I'd like to give a quick shout out to young Bari-Chunk Jeff Byrnes.  Known as Hoss to no one but me, Jeff is an up and coming Verdi baritone.  He is the real deal.  Besides his amazing instrument, Jeff is known for his amazing cheap t-shirts.  He is seen here posing in one.  

'Merica

You will hear this man's name again. World Class.